JUST IN: Job Application for Chief Economic Advisor to the Australian Greens

Dear Comrade,

I take great pleasure in applying for the role of Chief Economic Advisorto the Australian Greens.

First, I graduated from the University of Sydney with a Bachelor of Arts where I studied post-colonial free verse poets from the sub-Saharan former British Empire.

With that lower-second Honours degree, I was fast-tracked into a full-time Masters for Gender Studies at La Trobe University, completing the program in near record time over six years.

After pursuing a range of micro-credentials in permaculture heat-dung power generation, discrediting Keynesian radicalism, and fourth-wave feminist sexology, I’m proud to say I was and continue to be the first PhD candidate at the University of the Sunshine Coast where I’m immersed in much-needed research on “The socio-cultural impact of changing gender roles, polyamory and gender stereotyping within the cis men patriarchy.”

Wishing to apply this experience into other disciplines, I combined a recent backpacking holiday in Central Java with online course study at nights through Oxford … that’s Oxford Secretarial and Business Community College in Baturaden, Indonesia where I did an Advanced Business Certificate in bookkeeping and barista.

Returning to Australia, I launched my career as a social entrepreneur, opening a transgender vegan café in Brunswick, Melbourne. There I implemented pioneering social policies including the introduction of a white male $5 levy for which I generated much publicity in The Age and employing an all-queer, all-trans-people-of-colour staff. Further, I secured eye-opening, urgent experience with external professionals appointed to my company, including an in-depth, unexpected study of Australia’s insolvency regime.

With these credentials, as well as my subsequent quota-appointed role with Senator Sarah Hanson-Young, my love for Mother Earth, and a further micro-credential in kafkatrapping, I believe I am well-placed to be the Chief Economic Advisor for the Australian Greens.

In particular, my skills could be advantageously shared to refocus attention from simplistic and now discredited Western economic concepts like supply, demand, and budgets, to high-priority areas like “Redistribution Policy for Pandemics, Pollution and Puppies” and transitioning Australia to a net-zero economy, meaning everything is ‘free’.

I commend my application to you.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Taloulah O’Toole Ph.D (Candidate Emeritus), MA, BA, Advanced Business Certificate (Oxon)

P.S. Oh, yes! If the position is offered to a comrade higher on the victimhood ladder, I’d also be available to make the tie-dyed T-shirts, hemp belts, and vegan coffees.

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Kenelm Tonkin

An entrepreneur who has employed 1,470+ people, Kenelm was admitted to the BRW Fast 100 three times with businesses in Australia, NZ, Singapore and New York, where he lived for 12 years. Kenelm’s investment firm performs mid-market leveraged roll-ups. He was a regular columnist for the Australian Financial Review. Kenelm is the Founder of Liberty Itch.